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Inspired by Kottke.org’s rules for the NYC subway, I present my 10 rules for driving on the interstate. Follow these rules and it will help everyone get to where they are going safely.

1. Sell your SUV. Seriously, you don’t need it. Buy a wagon.
2. The left lane is for passing. If you are not passing someone, move over.
3. If you are passing someone, move with a purpose. I’m coming up behind you.
4. It’s nothing personal. You are not the speed limit enforcer.
5. I don’t want to pass you on the right, it’s not safe.
6. Two flicks of the brights is simply a signal. Please move over. Remember, nothing personal.
7. After you pass, move to the right lane again.
8. Do not try to race me. I am not trying to race you. It’s nothing personal. I just want to safely get around you.
9. Pick a speed and stay there. They make this great feature called the cruise control. Know it and love it.
10. Sell your SUV. Seriously, I don’t care if you want it or that its your American right to own one. We share the road. We share the same resources. Didn’t your mom ever teach you to play nice?

I realize that about 2% of you SUV owners out there pull trailers, haul stuff, and generally make good use of your trucks. Fine. I’m talking to the 98% that I see out there with one person in their plush Escalade/Navigator/Tahoe/etc. sucking 8mpg chatting on their mobiles. Buy a wagon. It’s safer for you, your family, and those around you. There is nothing you need to do with a truck that you can’t do with a wagon. And if there is, you can take that $500 you saved on fuel in the year of owning your wagon and rent a truck for the times you actually do need it.